“She thinks people who are busy working for a living deserve beautiful little stories, because they don’t have much time and are often tired. She has in mind a book that can be opened at any page and will still make sense to the reader who doesn’t know what came before or comes after.” -Cisneros

Black Culture Head

Black Culture Head

You know what I was thinking about? Old Town Road. But when am I ever NOT thinking about it, right?

So, I was thinking about that song and I was also thinking about Jordyn Woods. Clearly I’m a P.I.A.T. Person on the Internet, All the Time. I just made that up as I was typing. I should do this for a living. Now, these two contempo celebs got me thinking about the amount of internet I eat, what kind I reach for, and what tastes the best to me. I soon realized that I’m pretty picky. Kind of niche. Borderline snobbish. Which really surprised me because I’ve never been able to describe myself with the word “snob” or “head” at the end. See “musicsnob” “sneakerhead” “ramenhead” “bootyhead” etc. I threw that last one in for fun. You are welcome. I’ve always wanted to be one though. So, without further ado. I’d like to reintroduce myself. I am a black culture snob! And sometimes I turn my nose up to certain things we let come to the cookout. 

I actually prefer the title “Black Culture Head”. There’s not much I look down on when it comes to black people, and really I just feel like I know enough about US to know what’s best for us on the world wide web (and beyond). I don’t expect us to be perfect, but I do have standards when it comes to what I can align and play along with on the internet. And the bottomline is this: It has to have something to do with black people getting some money. Black people winning. Simple. I can truly get excited about that. Anything else I can’t promise. It’s a personal choice and a choice I think everyone should make. That is, deciding what you’re consuming on the internet and why. 

I thought maybe I was getting old and bitter when it came to how I felt about the Popeyes chicken sandwich phenomenon. But then I was like, “No way. My favorite song is Old Town Road!” lol I love black twitter and dance challenges and videos of toddlers cussing people out. I believe in having representation in every facet of our blackness. My current fave is us, NOT being the best at something and becoming successful anyway. It’s a space we rarely get to play in. We usually have to be exceptional.

Even if it took more work than their white counterparts, Lil Nas and Jordyn still fall under the one hit wonder + talentless celebrity category that white people have the luxury of being born into. If I can be here for something as silly as a Jordyn Woods/Kardashian victory, then why can’t I enjoy black people obsessing over this chicken sandwich?

I’m getting to the point I promise.

Here it goes.

If y’all want me to get behind some silly internet shit, it will have to be beneficial to black people/a black person in SOME way. I don’t care if it’s materialistic, superficial, or nonsensical. Crank That by Soulja Boy is a story I will pass down to my children and my children’s children. I’m not stuck on the specifics. I just can’t get excited about no unhealthy ass fried chicken sandwich for no reason. This Popeye’s craze is a tough one for me to have fun with. And not because I don’t eat meat. But because I’ve been searching and I can’t figure out which black person is gaining from our support. Deandre’s not the marketing genius behind the social campaign. Jayversace’s not being paid to promote this on his IGTV. The owner of Popeyes isn’t black. It’s really only about the chicken?

I can’t. 

And not like I can’t with YOU being excited about a fried chicken sandwich. Do what you do. I’m just not going to be able to do it, is all I’m saying. And now (I think) I understand why.


“You Didn’t Ask For Any of This”            October/November 2018

“You Didn’t Ask For Any of This” October/November 2018